here it comes ready or not!

in just a few days, one of the hardest weeks of the year will begin for me. i am anxious about it! i feel ill-prepared this year. i feel alone as well, which is odd, considering that i have more people that i am close to and can trust. yet, i feel as if i am david walking up to fight goliath. all alone, with others watching from afar to see if i will make it. this year i have made it further into the season before freaking out, i really only got bothered a full week and a half before black mass began, as opposed to the usual month that i am freaked out. so i count my blessings for this. perhaps next year will be even more progress? and soon, i will be able to celebrate the risen lord like normal christians. that is a day i look forward to!!! but for today, i will be grateful for the time i got to spend this month, not worrying about stuff, and will look into keeping myself safe for the remainder of the time until the season passes. i feel strangely disconnected from my body and mind today, as if i am watching myself move about. this worries me a little. i blog therefore i know i exsist... have you ever wondered if you exsisted? have you wondered if people could see or hear you? i have. am i real, am i a piece, am i all that there is? who can say? sorry this is so depressing, just venting today.....