prayer to the God of my life

I just finished a book of essays from people who were influenced by Henri Nouwen.... or rather by Jesus in Henri Nouwen. Inspiring and humbling, it is. (I'm talking like Yoda now, just for fun...)

One section was written by a woman named Kelly Monroe, founder of the Harvard Veritas Schmeritas Blah Blah Blah Forum. I liked how she said that she is beginning to realize that 'our vantage point is as limited as if we were looking at the starry night sky through a plastic straw.' Here are some quesions she asks... I have been trying to ask them of myself:

To which projects are we called in this life, and do they draw us to or away from the heart of Jesus?

How can we really see and hear God and each other above the enemy's voices?

How can we excel at expressing our faith through love?

How can we artfully and sacrificially love when given the privilege?

What could possibly be more important?

What if I ask Jesus to heal and refuel me, to fill me with Himself, so that I am not too exhausted to really love another person?

The Word became flesh and dwelled among us. How did I turn Him back into words again?

Why do I let the abstract and the "urgent" so exhaust me, destroying the concrete and immediate good before me?

Why do I listen to the loud and various voices of the world, rather than the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit?

Is Jesus bigger than my mistakes? Can His will for my life include tragedy and loss?

And then this about the writing of Henri Nouwen:

Henri reminds us to breathe. His books tell me that joy and sorrow are the parents of spiritual growth. He says not to be destroyed by despair, but to trust that a good God has allowed this to happen and is not surprised by what has happened. The God who created the galaxies is bigger than the mistakes of His children--bigger than what I have done and what I have left undone, bigger than my losses and sorrows and dreams.

Forgiving yourself, and others, is possible only when you soak in the Father's love. Slow down and really look at Jesus. Look, listen, be faithful in the little things and live with a glad and cheerful heart.

In this season I have been leaving lots of room in my days and schedule for God to speak to my heart. I have much to learn, and He is patiently teaching me. He is causing me to be more quiet-- to listen instead of always talking talking talking. He shows me little movies in my head of moments long forgotten, hurts I covered up years ago and sorrows I refused to feel for fear of too much pain. And then He holds and loves me through the memories. My loving Father knows my hurts. As Henri Nouwen says, "open wounds stink and do not heal." God wants to hold me through the healing, then encourage me to go on, filled with His love that enables me to love others. I know so little, can see only the tiniest view of His beauty and wonder and all He has in store. He calls to me, in the power and majesty of His creation, as Shannon reminded us yesterday, and also tenderly, in my own heart, with infinite love and compassion. No wonder we love Him so.

Deep calls to deep
in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me.

By day the Lord directs his love,
at night His song is with me...
a prayer to the God of my life. --Psalm 42