athena, revisited. my heart, revised. again.

A little while ago I wrote about our neighbor whom we call Athena. She is an elderly lady who lives down the street. This picture was taken with my cell phone, a phenomenon which astounds Athena every time I show it to her. She still doesn't quite get it, actually. But the look on her face is priceless when she sees herself on that little screen.

A few weeks ago our other neighbor informed us that an ambulance had come during the night and taken Athena away. I panicked, wanting to find out what had happened and where she had gone. But I had no way of knowing who to call or where to look. I left a note on the door and waited.

My knowledge of Athena's family was limited. All I really knew for sure is that she has a daughter who lives in town with a family of her own. I couldn't understand how her daughter could leave her in that big old house by herself. Athena is extremely forgetful... often times disoriented, and--at best--confused. Many times I recall complaining to Brad about Athena's daughter, criticizing her for neglecting her mother. How unfeeling she must be, I thought. How selfish.

A day or so after Christmas our family was seated around the table, having a large, late breakfast. There were still Christmas wrappings and chocolates and assorted paraphernalia scattered everywhere. It was your usual post-Christmas dishevelment. We were laughing our heads off about something or other when a woman appeared. She rather tentatively stood on the porch looking through our glass front door. She introduced herself as Athena's daughter.

Once seated at our table with coffee and biscotti in front of her, and when the rest of the family had dispersed, she began to talk to me. She knew about our friendship with her mother. She wanted to thank us and let us know what was going on.

As this woman spoke somewhat timidly, fingering her long striped scarf, I began to feel a knawing sense in my heart. It wasn't a very good feeling, to tell you the truth. Because this woman shared with me her pain regarding her mother, and her family and marriage situation which made it difficult to bring her mother into her home. But she has done it. Athena is living with her family now. And it has not been easy. Her home life is turned upside down. Her marriage is challenged. Her finances are affected. It is huge. She told me through tears that she is determined to make it work. She asked for my prayers.

As I watched this brave young woman walk away from our home, I felt deeply ashamed. Once again I had made up something in my head and assigned feelings to it. I had judged this woman I had never met. I had decided things about her and was looking down on her based on those assumptions.

I stood there in the doorway and asked God to forgive me. And as always, I heard His answer to my heart. He is still growing me. Still loving me into a new being. He knows everything about me: why I do what I do, how hard I am trying, my progress and my pitfalls. He knows it all.

And He still loves me.