hope floats

in reading some other blogs on this site, i was thinking about "sorrow floats", and about joy, and i said to myself, "hope floats". i think it was the name of a movie i have seen sometime, or perhaps a book, i really couldn't tell you where i heard it, but i know that it makes sense to me, hope never really goes away, at least not for me. can you imagine me continuing on this journey without hope? i don't think so! everytime i think that i am at the end of my rope, that i cannot go on, that it isn't worth the effort and pain and tears and all of it, hope rises to the top, and shows me that i can do it, that i at least have to try once more. there are times, tuesday night being one of them, that i think, i don't want to do this, not one more memory, not one more piece of horrible information about my past, i don't want to know anymore, i am at my breaking point, i think this, yet, i want to be free, and whole and able to live my life to the fullest, for so very long, i didn't really live, i existed in a world that no one should have to live in. i survived. barely at times, but i know that if i could make it through that, i can't give up now. hope somehow beckons me back to the place where even fear and it's massive walls can't keep me out of, i plunge in, and don't look back, it hurts like hell, i want to quit, but after it's done, and i rest, and reflect, it is so much better, and that gives me more hope, and so sorrow may float, but so does hope, and i choose hope.