going deeper

I have been thinking a lot about going deeper lately. Pondering what it means to go beneath the surface. To expose that soft underbelly of pride, fear, lust...whatever...not to your carefully chosen best friend--but to others. To those carefully chosen by God, perhaps...in order to place you in The Body and give you a freedom to move there as designed by your Creator.

It is a lot to think about, frankly.

And it is complicated. It needs to be safe, but risks need to be taken. It is a little painful but it also feels good. The thought of it is frightening yet somehow comforting.

Sometimes I sit there literally holding myself back from plunking my heart right out onto the table, like a giant family size pizza with everything, and just letting everyone dig in. Other times I sit, holding my own hands, thinking of all other safe and innocuous subjects to discuss, like what we like to eat or the latest good movie we have seen.

As usual, I suspect the healthy approach is somewhere in the middle. It is a process, and it takes time.

When I started doing yoga at the Y a couple of months ago, I could not do the positions everyone else was doing effortlessly. I would look over at this lady, clearly a couple of decades older than me, and stare in amazement as she smoothly folded herself into the shape of a fuselli pasta noodle. Meanwhile I was grunting and pushing, making sounds we normally associate with a barnyard, not getting any closer to the desired position. One day our instructor Joaquin approached me and reminded me that the body needs to be coaxed gently and lovingly--not forced, for this could cause damage. I knew this to be true from experiencing some sort of coup staged by my lower muscle group a few days earlier. I learned to move slowly, precisely, and with confidence when I was ready.

It is the same, of course, with the going deeper business. We will need to be patient with one another and ourselves. Our muscles will grow and we will become more flexible. To quote Luke (Freeman not Saint) : "We won't be the perfect group. We will make mistakes. Sometimes we won't share when we should have." And you know what? It's okay. Because there is always next time.

And hopefully, Jesus will guide us into the family of believers He would have us be. We will build history in our mistakes and failures, as well as in our victories. We will be rewarded for our patience and dilligence. And when one of us falls, we will reach out to the others and be lifted up (Ecclesiastes 4:10).

Jesus I pray for all these things and more.... for Your will to be done in us.