Home is where the heart aches

Yesterday was huge for me...emotionally I mean. We returned home after being away for 10 days of rest, renwewal, and rebuilding to be hit by an unexpected and unyielding behemoth of emotion. After a long and restful vacation I went to bed thoroughly exhausted.

Nate and Emily also returned from a week long trip with their father's family. The experience at the airport was overwhelming: seeing my kids walk down that long corridor coming home to me from planes and boats and an Alaskan adventure, and an unexpected reunion with their dad's family... people I love and who used to be my family but aren't now I guess but are still my children's family... ex (?) nieces and nephews who are grown now...older people who are REALLY older now... we were all so happy to see one another after many years... My heart felt welled up and achy in my chest.

My kids had so much to tell me, of sweet and tender glimpses of romance, and eyes opened from exposure to people with whom they instantly bonded and then almost as quickly saw stripped away from them... I sat on the edge of their beds, one at a time, and heard their hearts, and I was brimming with love, and gratitude for being given such amazing children.

And perhaps the most heart-wrenching of all.... Brad and I went to visit his dad, who is in a home for Alzhemiers patients. I watched my husband love this man who is no longer the father he has known and loved all of his life. He is a confused, fragile, fading man, where before he was robust and funny and strong.

Brad rubs his father's swollen feet, forgives and even tenderly responds to the absurdities he utters, speaks love and kindness into him, and simply loves him unconditionally.

Brad looks like Jesus to me when he is with his father, and I sit there watching him, feeling full of love and wonder, and praying I will have that sort of strength if life ever requires it of me.

This week will be full... catching up on things that went undone in my absence... preparing to take young girls to Outpost at Calvin Crest... The whole summer is before me and I don't know all that it will hold. But I do know God will be with me through it, loving me unconditionally, responding to my absurdities, and speaking love and kindness into me.

Brad and his father