our worth

This past week, I did a lot of soul searching, and a lot of listening to other people, I like to take in everything around me and sizing it all up. I came to the conclusion that there are so many people that I love that don't know their own worth. I am guilty as well, I really struggle with unworthiness. But, this week I took an inventory, and I was thinking about how weird I felt that my kids no longer "needed" me to be with them all the time, how they are becoming so independent. It really bothered me, I felt like I was in some sort of a dream, just watching my children and I couldn't get close. I started to get really down on myself as a parent. And I caught myself saying " you are a good mom! you raised three terrific kids who aren't afraid of the world, who can take care of themselves, who can have relationships outside of my parental control, who can do amazing things because I helped them get there" it felt good to see them growing up, well, except the whole "crush" thing with my son, but it was actually sinking in when people would tell me how great my kids were, I felt like I didn't fail at something. And so, as I listened to people this week, it became very apparent to me that most of us, struggle mightily with unworthiness, and it made me sad, I realized that for years people, most of you guys, have told me how good of a mom I was, but it didn't sink in, and so when I heard things, I thought, these people have no idea how much "worth" they have. I think about people who have mighty testimonies to tell who feel like no one wants to hear what they have to say, i think about worship leaders who make my soul sing, who think they aren't doing it right, i think about prayer warriors who remain silent because they fear that they don't have authority, i think about speakers whom God has annointed who look to the world to give them their worth and never make the things that they want to say come to light, because fear of rejection stands in the way, i think about people who write whose written words can bring strong emotions rise up within me, whether laughter and joy, or empathy and anger, but who think no one wants to read what they could write, i think about someone with the sweetest voice who doesn't want to sing, or the people who have so much intelligence bursting from the seams yet they remain silent because they think that their is someone smarter who could say it better. It made me sad, and it made me mad, and as I looked at all of these people I prayed and asked God to remove the filters we have placed on ourselves, that say we aren't good enough, or smart enough, or spiritual enough or whatever and that we would say God please please let me for one minute see my worth as you see me, and then later five minutes, and then a day, then a week, and so on, until we are living a life without fear, and we can be who we are and still know that we are loved and secure and happy. So many people with such deep seated pain, letting fear choke the life out of our own worth! I need help in this area and I ask that you pray that I can see clearly the path God has for me, no matter how unpopular, how mundane, how shocking, how against the grain it is, and that I would boldly go forth and believe in my own worth. There are always going to be those who try to tear me down, but if I could just learn my worth, perhaps their voices wouldn't be so loud and I could conquer my fears of unworthiness. It's worth a shot......