it has begun

well, it has begun....summer is over! the kids started back to school on wednesday and so far so good. it is getting a little scary, the independence i see in them, the fact that they no longer need their mom like they used to. it is nice though, to talk to them on a different level and laugh about things. the week has been different for sure! dave is off of work with a broken foot, i finally got to see my dad and a few other friends i hadn't all summer. we got our loan money and i got to pay off all the doctor bills, which felt so so so nice! kids are in school, so the house remains quiet longer and stays cleaner longer. i went to a water aerobics class at an old folks home last night, and i really enjoyed it. i am scheduling time for me in daily instead of foregoing it for the kids. homework already, not bad though. i have been working out thanks to my new "medicine". i feel so much better about most things, still really struggling with the inside of me. the memories are horrid! i still am edgy and onery and have walls built up, and if you ask me for advice be prepared that i will give it with no holds barred instead of spareing your feelings. i am still in search of myself and trying not to hate who i am, very hard right now. i still feel like i should go pray for certain people and yet remain afraid and feel totally disobedient to god for not doing it. dave and i still struggle, many barriers i have created will take time to knock down. but i am making it, slowly, i am trying to right myself and get back on track, to continue this journey that i have begun. so it has begun, look out cuz here i come!