Turn on the Light Tonight

I have taken Luke and John out on this night for years. (one area where Cindy and I disagreed) Some of my favorite memories are on this night. House after house and praying for them as my boys would head up and get some candy. One year John went as a taco! What fun! What a great father son time! Now that they are older, I love handing out candy and seeing the kids smile. I pray for some of them too.
Cindy and I are going to have a worship and prayer time in a few minutes. We had a great prayer and worship time at school today with the junior high students.
I know strong opinions abound about Halloween but I finally found an article that speaks my heart on this matter. Enjoy.
Hmmmm, I wonder if there are going to be any comments posted on this?
P.S. Christmas trees are pagan and so are easter eggs. I think I may have said enough.

Turn On the Light Tonight
by John Fischer

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…
1 John 4:18

Today is a day that comes with a good deal of confusion and too much fear in some Christian circles. It has not always been the case. When I was a child in the 1950s as part of a very fundamental church, Halloween came and went with ne'er a thought of concern. We couldn't play cards, dance, go to movies or listen to rock and roll, but we could trick-or-treat our little candy bags full every October 31.

All that changed about fifteen years ago when the word spread rapidly in Christian circles that Halloween was actually not dress-up day after all, it had been Satan's holiday all along since its origins as All Hallows' Eve, and something that Christians should have nothing to do with. (Studies actually show major discrepancies on the origins of Halloween, making a truly definitive conclusion dubious at best.)

Something about these inconsistent Halloween experiences indicates that the issue here may be more one of perception than actual truth. Granted satanic activity may be an issue on this day, but I wonder if we actually give Satan more regard today than we should, while ignoring his reality the other 364 days of the year.

This much I know: Regardless of where you land on the trick-or-treating thing, if there is anything believers should not participate in today, it's not trick-or-treating: It's fear. Christians have no business being afraid today or any day. We worship the God of the universe who is over all powers and authorities and rulers on earth, above it or “below” it. If we as Christians show fear to the world, it comes as a disgrace to God. What does it say about the reality of God in our lives when we allow fear to motivate us?

We currently live on a street that has a reputation of being the best trick-or-treating street in town. Our house is right smack dab in the middle of a two block area that is so crowded with kids each year, the police put up barriers to keep vehicles out. We bought 6,000 pieces of candy last year and still ran out. As I see it we have three choices. Darken our door and hunker down inside. Plan to be gone for the evening. Or stock up on candy, put our chairs out in the front yard and enjoy the parade while we mingle with our neighbors.

Given our mission to love the world as Christ loved it, I'd say it was time to turn on the light. There is nothing that will stifle hope more than fear, and nothing that will overcome fear more than love.

jobs Jesus likes...jobs He doesn't

I've been sorting through my friend Dan's books and papers. Old manuscripts from his book, academic files, his dissertation work from Claremont Graduate school ...etc. Dan's dissertation was on 'The Fundamentalist Self in Opposition to American Culture.' He took a look at evangelism and religion--during the 50's and early 60's in particular.

Okay I found this photocopy taken from a book called If You're Saved And You Know It. It is in a section geared towards 'Born Again Young Adults.'

It is Suitable Career Choices, divided up by gender and level of suitablilty. Like this:

Guys/Gals

Superior/Good/Satisfactory/Poor

Now for 'guys', Superior choices include Pastor, Evangelist, and Theologian.

Interestingly, these are the same career choices that are listed as POOR for 'gals.'

For us gals, Superior would include Pastor's/Missionary's/Evangelist's wife, Teacher, Mother, and Christian Bookstore Manager. A Church secretarial position is considered Good.

My favorites are those that are listed under Poor for women, which include: Game Show Hostess, Aerobic Dance Instructor, and Elephant Trainer.

One has to wonder how many Born Again Young Adult Women could have made it big as elephant trainers but didn't...who let go of their dream in obedience to Jesus.

And this my favorite paragraph:

God's Will For Your Life ultimately pertains to three major areas: marriage, college, and career. (Or, if you're a girl, marriage, college, and your future husband's career.) You must make the right choices. If you don't, it means that you won't really find God's Will For Your Life. So you must at all costs avoid college transfers, career changes, and divorces.[which, as we all know, fall into the exact same category.]

People actually wrote this stuff. Even scarier.... other people were reading it.

How is that okay?

Like Debbie, I was reminded of some things as well. Some good, and some not so good.

I was reminded how much I have learned from Debbie, how grateful I am to her for taking what the enemy meant for evil and using it to impart spiritual wisdom, understanding, and awareness.

I was starkly reminded how much I hate the 'scare you to Jesus' approach. At this 'church' event there was nothing of Jesus that felt like Him. The enemy was HUGE. The star of the production, if you will.

Oh and one of my former Dakota House kids was in one of the dramas. So I stood there watching Jesse Bustos die in a car wreck before my eyes. Weird.

The best thing I could think of to tell my girls was that maybe that method works for some people, but that Jesus had LOVED me into His arms, not frightened me to Him, and that's the approach I like best.

All through the experience I kept looking to Debbie, watching her face, checking in.... so glad she was there.... the girls took to her naturally and felt safe with her. That was my favorite part.

And of course I kept asking myself, asking Jesus, "Have I made a huge mistake bringing my girls to this?"

And can somebody please explain to me the deal with the weed? It was like the Cheech and Chong van...bellowing out... the thick and undeniable presence of pot in the air and in our faces, clinging to our clothes and filling our lungs.... Debbie did you ask Davey about that? How is that okay?

The thing is... I was reminded that I find myself asking that question a lot. "How is that okay?" I mean I ask it a lot when I go to churches. So there you have it.

But look at those girls. Gabby, Celia, Elizabeth and Tamika. God has brought them together, to us, to Himself. He has plans for them. Much of what we saw in the Nightmare scenarios looked like their street, their homes, the lives around them. Jesus has called to them and they are answering. And that is what somehow makes it all okay. Human mistakes and blunders are powerless in the face of His love. Thank God.

we made it back

Tonight I was reminded of a lot of different things, and most of them made me smile. Jaime and Arissa took some Dakota House girls to see the "reality haunted house" in town. I offered to go along for the ride and to hang out with the girls. Because it was about this time just a few years ago when my hairdresser told me of this woman who had a girls group that wanted someone to come in and discuss Halloween, and she asked me if I would do it. I accepted, that woman was Jaime, and a short time later I invited her to a prayer meeting, never thinking she would show up and had really left out most of the details, and that night she showed up. The rest is history, as Jaime is now one of my closest and dearest friends. So, I hold a fondness in my heart for this group of girls that she ministers to. Things were not looking good for me to actually be able to show up, as there was a homicide at an elementary school and Dave got called back to work 5 minutes before I was to leave. I called Jaime and explained it to her, she prayed, I prayed, and I got on the phone, Shannon of course came through for me like always and I rushed over grabbed Callista out of soccer practice, darted across town to Shannon's dropped the kids off and drove back across the other side of town to meet up with Jaime and co. I was a bit frazzled by this time and took a quick "break" to calm down. We all drove together to the place, downtown Fresno at night, my favorite! The first thing I noticed was the paintings on the walls of the building depicting the devil and not much else, then I noticed the music blaring from speakers, it would jump from some sweet Disneyesque music to the music from The Shining and the Halloween movies with Jason, you know, the creepy kind that just makes you a little edgy. The price was steep( I thought), the lines were long and it was cold and that darn music was getting on my last nerve. Now, this place had a souvenir stand! That's right, I am so serious! They sold t-shirts and stuff with the grim reaper holding the devil on a throne with the word Nightmare on it. I was a little disgusted to be honest! We had to sign consent forms and the whole bit, they had over aggressive "cops" who made me cross the street to smoke! Whatever. We waited in line with a bunch of Aryan Brotherhood White Pride people who cut in front of us in line, we jockeyed for position before finally relenting and waiting the extra 15 minutes. We got "wanded" for weapons I assume, and then finally we were in. The second we get into the "rules" room, one of the girls whom I have never met, grabbed my hand and hung on for dear life. It made me feel so protective and a little nervous. The way this thing works is, you go in a group of about 10 people at a time through a series of rooms and they have a guide take you through. The first room, ok it is a drunk driving accident, not too bad, except I smell an odor that I should not be smelling in here, and mention it to Jaime, she agrees but we continue on, The next room, is the "party" room, drugs being snorted, smoked, shot, whatever, except that odor from the previous room is what I had thought, POT! No lie! Really and truly they were smoking joints, and the aroma was thick!! I clung tight to this little girls hand and felt truly disgusted! We keep going, room after room, most disturbing to me, a room where this girl in a wedding dress is standing next to a dead body of another girl in a wedding dress and the devil is heard to be saying he needs to find a new bride. WHAT?!?!?! Didn't like that too much! I started getting to a point where I didn't think I could take much more of it. But that sweet child's hand gripping tighter to mine snapped me back. We descend or whatever into Hell and there are people of all ages screaming that they are burning and to help them. Then we meet a puppet? And it is saying come see Jesus and some other really bizarro carnival crap, and then they shock you by whipping open a curtain and having people whipping Jesus behind you. A few more rooms of them nailing Jesus on the cross and telling you " why would you look to Him to save you He can't even save himself" and then Jesus on the cross. Final room a man who looks normal telling you this whole experience has been your imagination and not real and his face goes from a man to a devil and then he mocks you some more the lights go out and then this huge devil is in front of your face reaching out for you. You end with a short blurb from the pastor about how you have seen the reality of sin and the love of God, Jaime and I both didn't remember seeing any love of God shown, there was no message about the flip side to all of it. It felt hollow and meaningless to me, I wish that it could have been more. I am glad that I went, to be with Jaime and the girls, to leave my worries and fears behind for a few hours and help others, to remember why I hated the coven so much, to remember where I have come from, to remember why I so hate Halloween and even with churches trying to make it something good, it just isn't. And can never be, because it is a satanic holiday, period. No sugar coating, no pretending it isn't that bad, no way, no how, it is what it is! I believe perhaps that it may help some people, but I don't want to go back. In a few days, it will actually be Halloween, and what will happen in the next few nights is the real Nightmare, if only people knew, it's not a game, it's not fun, it's so real, and so evil and so many are sucked in. I pray that I can remember what it felt like to protect that child tonight, in the coming days, because so many kids I couldn't.

Debbie--

You go first. I'm going to bed.

And thanks. I'm so very glad you were there with us.

I love you.

to hell and back?

Um... yeah so I'm taking my Girls Only girls to The Nightmare tonight. I found out today we 'go to hell' at this event. Yeah. Not sure how I feel about this so pray for us if you read this. More later.....

How old?

The Age Of The Wine

The parallel events between the Old and New have intrigued me over the years. For example, Jesus said in Matthew 12:40, “For just as Jonah was three days and three nights in the belly of the sea monster, so will the Son of Man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.”
Also, in John 3:14 Jesus states, “As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up.”
With this in mind, I began to think about the parallels between the Creation account in Genesis and the first miracle of Jesus changing the water into wine.
It is no surprise to me that the first miracle recorded in the Bible was a miracle of creation in Genesis 1:1 “In the beginning, God created…,” and the first miracle that Jesus did was a miracle of creation in John 2 where he created wine from water.
Let’s imagine for a moment that we were there at the wedding in Cana. We go and get the six pots and fill them with water just like Jesus had asked us to do. We bring him the water and he instantly creates wine. Scientists of the day come and do tests on the wine. They determine that because the wine was fermented, the wine was, say, 50 years old. (Remember, it was the best wine there at the wedding) They next ask us our opinion, and we say the wine is only moments old.
They continue with their investigation and announce to us that the wine came from grapes grown on the nearby hills. They again ask us our thoughts on the matter, and we tell them that the wine came from water and not grapes.
Regardless of the tests and investigations, who is right about its’ age and origin? For it seems that age and origin are the main issues about the wine that Jesus created. Age and origin seem to be the main issues regarding the first creation in Genesis.
There are other similarities between the two creation miracles. The wedding took place on the third day of the week. What was happening on the third day of the week in the Genesis creation? God was separating the waters. Is that a coincidence? Personally, I think it could be.
How many days did it take to complete the creation miracle in Genesis? Six. How many pots did Jesus have filled with water? Six.
Who gets the credit for all that God did in those six days? In some cases, Mother Nature or time and chance. Who received the credit for the best wine at the wedding? It seems the headwaiter did.
I like how the wedding story ends with the bridegroom getting all the credit for bringing out the best wine near the end of the wedding and no one knowing where such good wine came from. The Scriptures tell us in John 2:9, “but the servants who had drawn the water knew.”
Yes, we are like those who had drawn the water. We know of the power of Jesus, the great Creator who has indeed created the heavens and earth, and not too long ago.

beautifully real

My friend Dan stayed with us for a few days this past week. He is a writer (he wrote this book), a poet, a scholar, an amazing conversationalist, and a devoted friend. We have been talking and writing to one another for 18 years.

Four nights in a row we stayed up very late talking and talking. He opened his heart up and lots of pain poured out. And lots of joy. He loves Jesus fiercely. He has been hurt deeply. He was a missionary kid in Saigon and Singapore during the Tet offensive. His story is astounding...and so is he.

He has gone back to Portland now but left boxes and boxes of books with me. Books that he and his father have collected over several decades. Some we will load up and take to Dan in Portland. The others are a gift. I opened one box and held up an old and tattered (1928) copy of Getting Acquainted with God--a Book of Devotions for Use in Homes Where There are Children. The dedication reads: THIS BOOK IS INSCRIBED TO DOROTHY ROGERS BARSTOW, WHO MAKES GOD BEAUTIFULLY REAL IN THE HOME OVER WHICH SHE PRESIDES.

Beautifully real. I like that.

Thank you Dan. You, my friend, are beautifully real.

Getting ready to think about contemplating attempting going deeper pretty soon

There are much worse ways to spend your time than learning more about Cory Pina.

Way to set the tone, Cory.

75 years

Yesterday we celebrated my grandparents' 75th wedding anniversary. 75 YEARS. I was sitting with Grams and Grampo as dozens of people filed by to pay their respects. One women asked Grampo, "What are you going to do after this?" and he answered, "Go home and play with Grams."


Look at them.
They are in their 90's.
They are a gift.
I love them.

happy birthday Puddin

Sometimes God gives us incredible gifts for which we have no explanation.
Emily is one of those for me.

i think i figured it out

my husband doing what he does best....scaring me to death! but even i admit it is a cool picture!

Beautiful Hands

This is the kind of Friend you are--
without making me realize
my soul's anguished history,
You slip into my house at night,
and while I am sleeping,
You silently carry off
all my suffering and sordid past
in Your beautiful hands.

--Hafiz

tunes i love

There is a new box on the left side of this page. Click on the little bar on the bottom right side of that box. The music you will hear is from alldayradio...written and performed by someone once very close to me. I love it. There is more but you can't buy it. Not yet, anyway.

trying to trust...but I suck at it

Yesterday I arrived at the Y as usual, breathing in the air I love so much--a strange combination of sweat, chlorine, roach spray, and some minty cleaning agent they use. I opened my locker, pulled out my swimsuit, fished my goggles out from the bottom where they had fallen... the usual. But soon it all became unusual. In a bad way.

It seems the pool at the Y is being shut down. At first this may not sound like much of a sorrow, but trust me. It is. There is a community of people who have been going there for over twenty years. They are almost entirely handi-capped and elderly--or both. I have become so fond of these women. Showering in their wheelchairs and talking away with one another, their little plastic baskets of soap and shampoo dangling off the front of their chairs. And rolling right up to the pool's edge, lowering themselves down into the water, where, at once they become free. They smile and float, and are no longer encumbered by their handicap. The water is their good safe place.

Now they are losing this place, and for an undetermined amount of time. Structural damage in the ceiling has made it unsafe. Money is an issue. There are lots of 'reasons.' I talked to the C.E.O. this morning, sitting across his desk, feeling powerless, wanting to do something, trying to listen as he offered a chunk of the ceiling to me as evidence.

Perhaps there is a lesson in here for me. I can't fix this. I can't change the circumstances.

Yesterday, standing in the women's locker room, I stood by helplessly as elderly, overweight, handicapped, naked women sat in their wheelchairs and cried. Okay. Wow. That's overload, Jesus. I can't take that. I jumped in the pool and swam back and forth, in some sort of furious swimming frenzy, my last time in the pool being one of frothing anger instead of liquid tranquility.

Who was I mad at? Don't know. There are other things in my life making me feel helpless, situations in which I must sit by, pray, wait, believe. Trust. I'm not really very good at that.

So I am sitting before Jesus today, trying to do all of the above. I will offer it all up to Him. Again.

But first I think I'll call my friend at The Fresno Bee who might be able to do a story... and maybe that will help, and I know this rich handicapped guy, and I'm thinking of some ideas for a fundraiser.... Um. Yeah. I suck at this.

lyrics

Our yesterdays are on a loop...
a marathon of heartbreaking moments.
--BNL

The face of freedom can show up small
a tiny crack in a prison wall
a song that rises up from silence
a voice that wants to say:
No more chains.

--Nicole Nordeman

Who me?

I went to a teacher's conference last Thursday and Friday in Sacramento. At 8:30 am on Thursday morning all the Christian school teachers, staff, board members and administrators gather for a time of announcements, worship and the word. It is pretty early in the morning to be doing all of that but I sat there with the 5,000 others ready to go.
The worship was good and then they introduced the morning speaker, Rebecca Manley Pippert. By the time she was done speaking, I had a lump in my throat and I needed to go spend some time alone with Jesus telling him I was sorry. It was a good time with Him. Like they say in Monk, "Here's what happened."
Rebecca told the story of talking to a woman that had gotten an abortion. The gal was weeping uncontrollably and asked Rebecca what she should do. Rebecca said that she asked Jesus what to tell her. She didn't readily accept his word of counsel but then reluctantly said to the girl, "This is not the worst thing you have done. This is not the first innocent blood you have shed!" The girl stopped crying for the first time and had a questioning look on her face. Rebecca told her, "You, along with everyone else, crucified Christ by your sin. He is first innocent one you have killed." And when Jesus said, "Forgive them father they know not what they are doing, He meant YOU too!"
I knew that before. Heard in several times. Read about it too. But something happened Thursday morning that I pray will stick with me for a long long time.

His love for me

Thursday was an especially hard day. Not even sure I can accurately explain why. It just was. The 'impending doom' feeling was big and all little things went wrong and I was not in my best state by the time Girls Only came around. I didn't even want to go. My feet brought me there but my heart stayed behind. Lurking. Watchful. Reluctant.

For about an hour I sat in physical closeness and intimacy with those beautiful young girls. Their hearts opened and poured pain out right before my eyes. I stammered. I prayed. I cried. We laughed and held each other. We looked deep into one another's eyes and felt a pull. We are women together. This world is big and mean to our hearts sometimes. So we hold on to each other and listen for Jesus. We wait for Him in our quiet places. I was held fast to the place where we sat; the power of the truth is what held me.

Then one young girl said this to me: "Jamie you always tell us that Jesus makes all things new. I want that." This girl is 16. She is not a virgin but wishes she was. Her mother walked out the door when she was 13 and never looked back. Her father is 'happy' only when he is drinking. She is the oldest in a family of four kids whom she mostly takes care of. Yet she smiles from a deep place and looks hopefully into her future. She believes God has plans for her life and she wants in on it. She is an encouragement to me.

And so that's how it came about that on that Thursday which did not seem like a good day I had the privilege of bringing this lovely young woman to Jesus. She stood before me, eyes shining, face aglow, and became new. As I touched her forehead with sweet smelling oil, and declared her a Daughter of the King, a new creation, one with Christ, her future changed before my eyes. And--once again--mine did too.

Jesus I do not know why You have allowed me this privilege. I only know that You have, and by this I know Your love for me is vast beyond words.

The beach was gorgeous. Pacific Grove is beautiful and the weather was sunny and cool. We had a fire in our room every night and rode our bikes all over the place during the day. There were deer right outside our window. Nice.

a presupposition

the other day i was helping my daughter study for her science test. she told me she needed to be able to write an essay about what presupposition was. i looked at her oddly, she is only 9 and in the 4th grade, she asked me if she could tell me what she was going to write and if i thought it was good enough. i chuckled thinking to myself, if she actually would even have a clue, but said yes, and then listened to this....i think it is like when someone gives you a bowl full of ice-cream, you have never had the flavor before, and just by looking at it, you decide that you are going to love it,or you are going to hate it, and that means you made up your mind before ever even trying it, i think that is what presupposition is. made sense to mom, so i said good job and marveled at how much i was learning through my child. i have been struggling lately, with christians and christianity and all of it, and realized that i had a "presupposition" about christians, from a very young age i believed that i could never count on a christian to be there for me, they couldn't be bothered, and that you never ask a christian for money, and that you don't admit in church or to christians when something is going wrong in your life, it has always clouded my judgment and had for years kept me in a coven, because it seemed easier to get beaten and bruised than to try to live a christian lifestyle. i finally met god and had a real taste of his love and his mercy and his joy and freedom, still becoming a "christian" was a bitter pill for me to swallow. i love god, and praise him and worship him and seek him out and long for more of him, and yet, still, i wonder if he wants christians to live the way they do, hiding hurts from each other, condemning each other, jealousy, anger,, bitterness, hurts, knocking each other down and they kicking them while they are down, i wonder did he die for us to treat each other this way. i am so guilty of it, i try to not be "exploited" in telling others the wonders god has done in my life, and what he has saved me from, why? because they might not believe me, because they might change their opinion of me, because i shouldn't talk about the devil and demons? why, i have not shared with a small group at church, because i am afraid, of how other christians will view me and my family, i haven't shared at summer camp, even though many many times i felt like saying this is me, who i was, who i am, who god is making me to be, because why, i felt like i was breaking an unspoken rule. i have had a miraculous journey, that i believed i was brought through to help others, i have gifts(or curses, however you see it) that i believe i have to help people, and yet i don't. i have said things about other christians, been jealous of other christians, hid fears and truths from other christians, i am what i have long hated. i could not have seen that coming, i try to loan money freely, i try to be available 24/7 to whoever needs me, i have reached out, i pray, i do things that i feel god is asking of me, but then i draw the line, i can't call this person or that one and say i need to pray for you, i don't say, hey listen i want to tell you who i really am and where i came from, i don't do it, because to admit that i have pain, that i have hurts, that i need others, is not what "christians" really do. i am hurting i want the world to know, christians too, it is halloween season, and things like sabbats, and equinoxs and decorations in stores and even the orange cream in my beloved oreos, is a problem, i am a christian, who used to be a satanist, who feels pulled, who feels abandoned, who feels rejection, who is "playing" with all the other christians that i am ok, i am not. i need other christians, i need them, i believe that god told us several times in his word to seek each other out, set ourselves apart, build each other up, being honest, protect each other, why aren't we? i am confused and and i am fearful of this season, it is a huge deal to me, more than i will ever let on, satanists, 15 years later, are still following me, why are they so dedicated to the impossible, why? christians, come, go, it is not the same, i want to belong to a community that is dedicated to the impossible, to the years and years of healing some may have to go through, to the laughter, the tears, the hurts, and the just hanging out times, why can't we do that. oh, sorry, i am ranting and raving, it is saturday night in october, and right now, i remember vividly what someone will be going through, i don't like myself very much right now, i think i need to do more, this blog is about me, no matter the terminology, it is not "aimed" at anyone other than myself, just needed to get this out of my head tonight. i am a christian, i am hurting, i don't want to do this alone,