Thanksgiving is good

Tomorrow we leave for Portland, and I'm thinking that will be good, too.

another quote for another day

Grace can be demanding. As a pastor, I am struck by how seldom we recognize grace when it shows up. That is usually because it rides into our lives upon a vehicle that will take us to places we'd rather not go. We are sure it will lead us to our death. Turns out it is the way to salvation.

--M. Craig Barnes

quote for the day

"I wish sitting here thinking made you smart, because if it did I'd be a genius."

--my son Nate

good but not safe

So who's in for the midnight showing?

Hero

Last night we watched Dead Man Walking. Both Brad and I had read the book and I had seen the movie; I wanted my kids to see it. Once again I was astounded by the bravery and obedience of Sister Helen Prejean. She loved the way I believe Jesus calls us to love. Unconditionally. If you have never seen it, I recommend it. If you have, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to watch it again. It is a good reminder.

a space for Jesus

Last Thursday night at Girls Only we sat huddled together watching The Gospel of John. It isn't the best movie I've ever watched...well it's not the worst either. It's a little cheesy, and the acting isn't the greatest. But it does a fairly good job of portraying Jesus. At least he smiles a lot, which is rare in the Jesus movies of old.

The reason we watched it was twofold. I had been sick and had not had the energy to come up with a 'lesson'. And while talking to Jesus was reminded that though I am asking the girls to talk to Him, even write letters to Him, they may not have a good idea who He is. Of course Irisa and I share from our hearts about Him....but still. Someone gave me the idea of this movie and I grabbed it up.

So there we sat, eating chocolate-covered popcorn and Flaming Hot Cheetos, and drinking cranberry soda... shoes off and snuggled up in the dark with only candles and the glow of the TV lighting the room. It was intimate. It was nice. The girls asked a ton of questions. "Miss Jamie, why is Jesus mad?" "Miss Jamie, why are the priests trying to kill Jesus?" We would pause the movie as I answered their questions as best as I could. They were listening intently...engaged in the story before their eyes.

One girl arrived late, and was obviously troubled. She was unable or unwilling to talk about what had upset her but her body language was closed up, withdrawn. I felt she looked as though she had been violated in some way.

She snuggled up with the rest of us, feeling some sort of comfort from the snacks and the intimacy and the presence of Jesus there with us. Soon she pulled out her G.O journal and began to write, pulling the candle closer to light her pages. She wrote and wrote and wrote, occasionally looking up to see Jesus healing the sick, loving the children.

Nothing huge happened that night. Except this: I realized once again that sometimes the very best thing you can do is to step aside and just allow a space for Jesus to be there. The rest takes care of itself.

Pain
is not profane
but sacred
a guide through
the darkness
pain itself
brings.

It takes more
courage to go
where it takes
you than to
fight against it.

Pain
comes as a friend
a fellow-traveler,
its enemy
the sole idea
that it is a false
prophet rather
than the one
crying in
the wilderness.

--Daniel Barth Peters

sick of being sick

I fully realize that three days is not that long to be sick. But I am ready to be all better now. Because my house is a mess and I am behind in everything at work and I have Girls Only tomorrow afternoon and a board meeting after that and I have a lot of people coming to my house for Thanksgiving and besides all that I am tired of feeling like poop. So any prayers for my recovery would be appreciated.

Thank you.

simple facts for the day

Big Sur is gorgeous.




Camping is good.














Coming home is nice, too.

weekend report

Doing some camping in the Big Sur area this weekend.... the tent is by the door, the french press poised and waiting, and Shaddie is, to quote Jackson Browne, "sniffin' all around like a half-grown female pup."


Other late-breaking news.... we seem to have acquired a new family member. Yeah. Slightly cute.

The Long and Awaited Update

After my "Visit the Friends of California Tour 2005," and a longer stay than anticipated at home, I have now been in Boulder for a month. I can't seem to understand where all of that time has gone. When I drove my car into this state, I didn't have a place to live for sure, or a job, or a mark on my driving record. All but one of those things has changed now.

My first night here, I stayed in a house with the group of women I was initially planning on living with. Shortly before I came, some things went awry and I found out there wasn't space for me in the house. That first night in pre-sleep conversation, one of the ladies and I realized there was an apartment directly next door to the house, owned by the same landlord and unoccupied. We called in the morning, after asking Jesus to give him a generous and understanding heart. A deal was struck. I am using one bedroom and the bathroom in the upstairs of the apartment and sharing living space in the house next door and paying an extremely reduced rate. It is as if we all live in the same house, only I have to walk 10 feet outdoors to go to my room. I live with a powerhouse of wonderful women and I would probably be going crazy if it were not for that. There is another house of great men and together our two houses and some other friends make up the community here. We meet once a week, on Wednesday, for Bible Study, to intentionally check in with each other, and for worship or whatever may come. If it weren't for that aspect it would feel almost too convincingly like the cast of Friends, considering most of us are never working.

I still do not have a job. It is difficult to find anything I am interested in, knowing I may be leaving very soon in January. I want to do something that is meaningful and will keep my interest. A friend gave me some good advice, that I need to take on the "getting a job for the summer in high school" mentality---you just have to do it. All difficult for me, I have never been in that position, I have always had a job or the promise of another. This is with the exception of moving to Fresno, when I had a job within a week of moving there. Fortunately, I have been able to earn a small amount of cash raking leaves for someone my roommate knows. I now have an application for the train. It works out that they have two central offices and one of them is in Denver. My goal for this week is to personally deliver my application, leaving a Captain Alphabet size impression.

This Sunday, I woke up in a bad place. I needed to drive and get into some open space of my own. I woke up and everyone had gone to church so I decided to go to Denver for the day. My mind was preoccupied with wondering if I had made the right choice to move here, wanting a purpose, and realizing that I like to drive because it helps me think. I broke from my preoccupation to realize I might have passed the street I needed to take to get to the highway that would take me to Denver. Naturally, I thought I would make a U-turn at the next intersection. While waiting in the intersection I checked to make sure there were no signs posted to inform me that my intended maneuver might be illegal. No sign in sight, I performed the action, got slightly stuck, used the reverse, straightened out, proceeded on my way, checked the mirror, saw flashing lights, pulled over into a Starbucks parking lot (of all the embarrassing places to be pulled over for the first time in my life!), and received a ticket from a condescending and unsympathetic Boulder police officer. I, Shannon Roark, was then issued a court date for December 1. Is this supposed to inform me that I should stay in Boulder? I don't care for that style of informing. I couldn't also help but think about all of those very encouraging Christian bumper stickers that let me know that "God allows U-turns." I pondered my mixed messages with tear dripping eyes most of the way to Denver.

Sadly, Boulder offered up another blow when, on my third day here, I broke a pre-molar. I got to learn the ins and outs of investigating the least expensive dental care. Fortunately I found Dental Aid. Unfortunately, I join a number of other low-income no insurance clients in my need for dental care. This translates into a five week (plus) wait, that will end November 21 when I get my very first crown and possible root canal. It may be needless to say, but my adventurous spirit has been met with harsh realities. Meanwhile, I have been thinking and talking about you all an awful lot.

message to Shannon

Yes I got your email and in fact responded, attaching the email response from September which you never received. I don't think I have the wrong email address, as I replied to the message you sent. It's possible that your computer is identifying my email as junk (hurtful). You might be able to fix that by adding me to your address book.

So glad to be hearing from you again. And yes, of course.... you may put anything you like on the blog. That's what it's there for and that was the hope.

Love you,
Jamie

Found

in love by friends.

behind the mask

Thank you to George for the heads-up on this sermon from Keith Martens entitled Behind the Mask. You can download/listen to it here. Take some time to listen to it. It gives good insight into the spiritual realm around us, gives some advice regarding Halloween, and in general reminds us of the battle we are in.

have you seen this face?

Putting out an APB on Shannon Roark. She has also been known to use other identities, e.g. 'Captain Alphabet'. She has been MIA for several months without so much as an email or a post card. Yeah. Whatever. If you have seen her please contact me on this site.

Because I miss her.


Trying not to be bitter,

Jamie Marie Barker

exercising my right to pray

Several times today I was questioned and then chastised on the subject of voting. Let me just put it out there for you, okay? I didn't vote today. Nope. I didn't.

And there's more. Yeah. I never vote. There I said it.

Well.... I haven't in a very long time. Because when I do it's always the same thing. I agonize over the issues, frozen at the thought of committing, never knowing for absolute sure that I am voting for what I think I'm voting for. Trying to choose the least offensive candidate is bothersome.... never do I have actual faith in anyone who's running (not since Jimmy Carter--and don't even talk to me about his 'politics' because it's his heart I admire).

So here's what I do now. I take the time it would take me to vote and I pray. I pray for our president, whomever he might be. I pray for our country, our communities, neighborhoods, leaders, schools, churches, families..... any and everyone God brings to mind.

And when I get off my knees the feeling is a gazillion times better than the one I have leaving the booth. So yeah I guess it's all about how it makes me feel. As someone I deeply respect said recently: "We all justify our actions according to our own experiences."

And so we do.

what lies within us

In my computer I have this file called 'Quotes for Story.' It's basically just a bunch of quotes I like that I will someday use in something. 'Story' being a rather loose description of whatever I am writing, will write, or hope to write.

I wanted to use this one as my quote for the day:

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
--William Morrow

The thing is, though I have had it in my file for a very long time I have never known who William Morrow is. It sounded very familiar and I just assumed he was a writer. In a Google search I discovered/remembered that William Morrow is a publishing company....duh... and there is no writer by that name. So I Googled (I love it when we acquire new verbs) 'what lies within us' and this is what I found:

The actual quote is from Ralph Waldo Emerson (no slouch) and reads as follows:

What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within us out into the world, miracles happen.

So there you have it. Ain't it the truth.

Just when I thought it was safe to read the news....

I feel sick.

Hello

Hello all

I have no idea what I'm doing but hopefully this appears int he right spot.

Let me know if I'm in the right area please.

thanks

-Luke

George is flippin' burgers and flippin' FAMOUS

Don't believe me? Read this from The Fresno Bee:

These folks stay put

People who settle in the homes around here find charm and community.

By Margaret Slaby / The Fresno Bee

(Updated Thursday, November 3, 2005, 8:44 AM)

It's a Friday evening in a neighborhood of charming custom homes that sits just southwest of Shields and Palm avenues.

The tree-lined streets are quiet, with just a handful of walkers; some, like Jack Zulim, who has lived on North Thorne Avenue for eight years, are accompanied by their dogs. A few residents trim trees and tend to flower beds. A calico cat sleeps on a concrete walkway. Birds chirp from perches high in magnolia trees. A squirrel scampers across a lawn.

Meanwhile, George Freeman, who has lived in a 2,000-square-foot East Michigan Avenue home with his wife, Cindy, for nine years, flips burgers on a built-in, backyard brick barbecue. Children play in the grass while their parents sit on wicker patio furniture and talk of church, camping and kids. The Freemans are hosting an evening of dinner, worship and prayer that they've held monthly for three years. Tonight there are eight adults and four children; all live within a few miles of the Freemans' 1938-built home.

"I love living in this neighborhood," George Freeman says. "It's nice. It's quiet. The neighbors are friendly."

Before moving to Michigan Avenue, the Freemans and sons Luke and John lived just east of Palm Avenue in a 900-square-foot, 1927-built cottage. "We lived there for 16 years before we moved here," Cindy Freeman says. "I love it here — the older-style homes, the style, the history. It has a real neighborhood feel."

This is a place where people move in — and rarely move out. "The only way you come onto our street is if people have passed away and you move into their home," says Vincie Harmon, who has lived in a 1943-built East Brown Avenue home for 30 years. "You move in, and you usually stay."

Blanche Breckenridge has stayed on East Brown Avenue for 65 years. "It's always been a nice neighborhood," she says. "Everyone has always taken care of everything."

Warren Lloyd moved onto East Michigan Avenue 15 years ago. When asked to describe the neighborhood, he says: "It's rich. It's private. Great neighbors — all professional, some retired. Some of the houses are going for half a million dollars."

The Freemans bought their home in 1996 for $105,000. George Freeman says it was appraised five months ago for $310,000. Realtor Barbara Van Rozeboom, who lives on East Brown Avenue with her husband, Richard, says many of the homes are Taylor-Wheeler designs. The Van Rozeboom's 2,400-square-foot, Colonial revival-style Taylor-Wheeler home was built in 1938. They moved into it in 1977, raising sons Reed and Ross there. Barbara Van Rozeboom remembers the early days: "We had this herd of little boys who went through the neighborhood," she says, estimating 10 grew up at that time on East Brown and East Princeton avenues. The Van Rozeboom's backyard gate leads from Brown to Princeton avenues, and it was a revolving door as boys went to and fro.

These days, you won't find as many children in the neighborhood. "It's mostly older people," George Freeman says. "I don't see too many younger people on the block anymore."

Still, since many are old-timers, there is a sense of familiarity in the neighborhood. "I love my neighbors," says Kathleen Gerner, who has lived in the area for 20 years — in a 1950-built, 1,300-square-foot East Cornell Avenue home for the past five. "The guys across the street and next door have keys to my house, and they watch things when I go away."

Barbara Van Rozeboom says it's a special place to live.

"It's that sense of family and camaraderie," she says. "The people love this area, and they're loyal to each other and look out for each other. It's not like a coffee-klatch neighborhood where people are the nosy Parkers that are in your business. But they're there for you. It's almost like an extended family."

George Freeman visits with neighbor Lori Tacchino during a barbecue. "I love living in this neighborhood," he says.

Cobb's Hardware, at Palm and Shields avenues in Fresno, has been an area landmark since 1954.

Harvard Avenue features the kind of well-kept custom homes that keep residents staying for a long time.

Sam and Marilyn Obwald stroll down a typical tree-lined street in their neighborhood. The home they live in was first owned by Sam's parents.

Ethan Velez, 7, gives 4-year-old neighbor Kamryn Schultz tips on swinging a toy bat during a monthly potluck at the Freeman home.

BurnSite

Mississippi Lessons

The old woman hobbled into her house that we had just spent 2 hours completely gutting. Moldy furniture, moldy books and clothing, moldy siding and insulation...everything had to go except for the very frame itself. We had been working fiercely, proud that we were making such good time destroying this woman's house, knowing that the quicker we got the job done, the sooner the possibility that someone would come in and rebuild it. But as she limped into the house and realized she could look through the framing into each of the rooms, she burst into tears...and sobbed and sobbed as if her heart were breaking yet again in yet another loss. We stood humbly, our proud accomplishment dwindling, our swift platitudes unspoken in our mouths. Our labor was someone's loss...our hard work was destroying someone's house. She stood in a bare, empty house and we were asking her to have the faith to believe that somebody would come back to rebuild it.
Megan, my friend from Voice of Calvary Ministries said later, "Isn't that what God does with our lives sometimes? He has to completely strip everything from us so we stand as an empty frame, sobbing and sobbing...and although He is doing it so He can rebuild us in His eternal and redemptive way, in the moment of loss and grief, it is difficult to believe." I understood exactly what she was talking about...if dear Miss Dauphine from Biloxi, Mississipi can cling to the faith that of all the thousands of houses that need to be rebuilt, hers will get done...then I can join her in that faith.

going deeper

I have been thinking a lot about going deeper lately. Pondering what it means to go beneath the surface. To expose that soft underbelly of pride, fear, lust...whatever...not to your carefully chosen best friend--but to others. To those carefully chosen by God, perhaps...in order to place you in The Body and give you a freedom to move there as designed by your Creator.

It is a lot to think about, frankly.

And it is complicated. It needs to be safe, but risks need to be taken. It is a little painful but it also feels good. The thought of it is frightening yet somehow comforting.

Sometimes I sit there literally holding myself back from plunking my heart right out onto the table, like a giant family size pizza with everything, and just letting everyone dig in. Other times I sit, holding my own hands, thinking of all other safe and innocuous subjects to discuss, like what we like to eat or the latest good movie we have seen.

As usual, I suspect the healthy approach is somewhere in the middle. It is a process, and it takes time.

When I started doing yoga at the Y a couple of months ago, I could not do the positions everyone else was doing effortlessly. I would look over at this lady, clearly a couple of decades older than me, and stare in amazement as she smoothly folded herself into the shape of a fuselli pasta noodle. Meanwhile I was grunting and pushing, making sounds we normally associate with a barnyard, not getting any closer to the desired position. One day our instructor Joaquin approached me and reminded me that the body needs to be coaxed gently and lovingly--not forced, for this could cause damage. I knew this to be true from experiencing some sort of coup staged by my lower muscle group a few days earlier. I learned to move slowly, precisely, and with confidence when I was ready.

It is the same, of course, with the going deeper business. We will need to be patient with one another and ourselves. Our muscles will grow and we will become more flexible. To quote Luke (Freeman not Saint) : "We won't be the perfect group. We will make mistakes. Sometimes we won't share when we should have." And you know what? It's okay. Because there is always next time.

And hopefully, Jesus will guide us into the family of believers He would have us be. We will build history in our mistakes and failures, as well as in our victories. We will be rewarded for our patience and dilligence. And when one of us falls, we will reach out to the others and be lifted up (Ecclesiastes 4:10).

Jesus I pray for all these things and more.... for Your will to be done in us.