No clauses. No compromises.

A woman I know and love used to say that she and her husband had the George Clooney Clause in their marriage contract. Meaning that if George Clooney ever showed up and asked this woman out, she could go, and do whatever she wanted to with him, and it would be permissable--according to the precepts of the clause. It was just a joke, of course.

Last week I received this from a female acquaintenance who is a 'Christian' and loves her husband, to whom she has been married many years. Decades, even. It is just a joke, of course.

Here's the thing. I am having a little trouble, here. I like to joke around as much as nearly anyone. Okay maybe more than nearly anyone. But something doesn't feel right. A friend of mine told me that his son said to him (I am paraphrasing) "Dad, I see a lot of Christian marriages around me and I know the man is supposed to be the spiritual leader, but I don't see much of that going on."

I don't have any answers, but here are some things I do know:

--My friend has a beauty salon, mostly frequented by married church-going women. A huge percentage of the talk in that shop is about the ineptness of the men they are married to and the desire these women have for their men to be more than they are. And they speak of the doubt they have of it ever happening. Because they are men, after all, so what can you expect of them?

--The woman with the George Clooney Clause in her marriage contract watched her husband walk out the door after having an affair with a woman who--at least for a little while--told him he was all the man she'd ever need.

--The woman who sent me the obnoxious cartoon? Well I happen to have been around her husband several times when he smelled an awful lot like an awful lot of alcohol.

Okay...whoa. Am I saying that one woman drove her husband to infidelity and the other drove hers 'to drink'? No. I'm not assigning blame. And I know very little and I don't even believe it is ever that simple. But I am taking a hard look at the way we do marriage, because I have a lot to learn in that area and I am trying to learn it. I don't want any clauses in my marriage contract and I do not want to compromise the beauty and order of what God has established as the marriage relationship. But I am full of questions.

I believe in the command from God for men to lead their families and for women to support, follow, and encourage them in that. This is a new concept for me, actually, and having been in relational situations of both extremes in the past, I understand God's ordination and have even lived through what happens when it is not subscribed to. It doesn't work and damage is done to everyone involved.

The thing is...I'm wondering if there is enough instruction out there for this to happen with much success. Or enough example. Is it out there and I have just missed it? Please tell me. The women who come in the beauty shop and speak in such degrading ways of their husbands? Let me tell you something... some of them are leaders in churches. Youth pastors, directors of women's ministries, wives of elders and of worship leaders. This is frightening to me.

And as my brain has been wrapping itself around this topic the last day or two, God has reminded me of some of the things that have come out of my own mouth, thank you very much. The 'men are clueless' sort of statements that come so easily to my lips and flow out like bitter poison, seeping into the minds and hearts of my daughters, and--God forgive me--my son and husband.

So I'm not sure what I am asking for here.... except your feedback, and prayers, and patience with my ramblings... and perhaps a moment of self-reflection. Okay, ouch.... I heard that Jesus... okay, I can say it: ACCOUNTABILITY. I don't want to make those 'funny' deragatory remarks anymore, and I will need the help of those whom God has put around me. And, um...that would be YOU.

We all know the James 3 verse... the tongue is a weapon and all that. Lord knows I've had it quoted to me on more than one occasion. There is power in our spoken words. God has entrusted us with that, you know? Don't ask me why but He has. I pray that I can act responsibly, wisely, compassionately, honoring God and all the wise, strong, capable, spiritually led men and boys in my life. And to all of you whom I love and fall into that category, I confess I have wronged you and ask you to forgive me. And call me on it. And still love me.