The things we do for love (posted by baby Barker)

I Wanna See Cheeses Lifted High

For all you cheese lovers out there.... here are a few of my favorite tunes:

I Believe in Cheeses
Cheeses Draw Me Close
When I Call On Cheeses

And of course... the ever-popular:

Victory In Cheeses

Always and forever,
Jamie

P.S. Brad, George, Shannon, Cory, Lindsay, Luke and Debbie... thanks for a fun night. Jesus, thank you for everything.

Where Is That Wood Drake When I Need Him?

Just glancing through my New York Times e-news this morning I found myself wishing I had chosen to clean toilets instead. Bad enough when Brad read aloud from the Fresno Bee informing us that Marcus Wesson named his offspring after vampires. I had to further plunge myself into despair for the world and read the Times:
Jewish settlers being evacuated (all I can see are children's faces...) ; 'The Bible considered an improper outside influence,' which is a disturbing story of a 'Bible-reading man' who kidnapped, raped and killed a waitress; and one of my personal favorites, when Jesus gets His name dragged through the mud by 'the religious right' who are 'violating the spirit of the law' in the Terry Schiavo heartache.

So... would it be wrong to simply place my hand on the unopened newspaper and pray for Jesus to cover everything in there? Yes I know as His followers and even His foot soldiers we should know what is going on and be in prayer for it...against it... but sometimes I cannot stomach it. Children being raised in treacherous environments and women walking wounded through life and men so deeply enraged they try to beat the anger out of themselves on the flesh of their families.... all of this I see on the street where I work and it is already too much.

Sometimes--often even--I am in a social situation where seemingly EVERYBODY else knows about something that is being hyped in the news. A horrendous current event that I am totally unaware of. Because I walk past that newspaper most mornings. And I am often embarrassed by my ignorance and have this little talk with myself about changing. Then I read the news.

Not sure what to do here. But I do know some days I need to stay inside my house and be with Jesus and not take in anything else. Right or wrong it is the truth.

And anyway my toilets really do need cleaning.

Colorful Characters

The infamous and aforementioned Pink and Purple, so named for their former hair colors. Their real names are Sandi and Caliope.

A New Generation

When I was 16 I had no clue who Jesus was. To me He was mostly an icon, hanging in statuary form in all the Catholic churches we ever attended. He was 'the lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world have mercy on us' in a rote phrase we repeated without emotion. I had no relationship with Him and made no decisions based on a connection with Him.

Emily and Jacob are my daughter and nephew. They are 16--only three weeks apart in age. They know Him. They talk to Him and have been prayed over in His name and have given their lives to Him.

I am grateful that though I have made many mistakes--many of them in my role as a mother--Jesus has made Himself real to my children, nieces, and nephews. There is a new generation coming up. The blessings we have prayed over them will bless my grandchildren and great grandchildren. There is hope for the future. Jesus makes all things new.

Emily and Jacob (Easter 2005)

Pink and Purple

Your new Blog template looks good. I have heard of Pink and Purple, but purple and orange is new to me. Just like Nate, you're a trendsetter.

Expressions of Gratitude

This morning during our church service, round about the third chorus of 'Crown Him With Many Crowns,' I found my mind wandering. I was thinking of Mel, and wondering if she was enjoying Easter in the snow with her friends. And I was thinking of Debbie, and how hard Easter Sunday is for her sometimes, and George and his family saying "He Is Risen Indeed" all together at the table. And I thought about how Carlton was with his dad for the first time last Easter, and now his dad is with Jesus. And so on and so on. Perhaps many of you feel as though you are with family when you are at church. Lucky. I don't have that yet. Yes we are all in the body and all that... But really the people I love and pray with and laugh with are the people I want to be with on this day. So there you have it. I had a good day but you were all in my heart and I wrote every one of your names in my journal when I was supposed to be listening to the 'Special Music' and the "Expressions of Gratitude.' And tonight, after the big Easter extravaganza is over, I am expressing gratitude for the victory of Jesus rising from the dead, and for you.

Jesus with Thomas

What is going on?

OK, I have to admit this season has me thinking.
I had only heard one side of the story for years. You know, when Jesus said from the cross, "My God, My God why has thou forsaken me." And then I would hear about how bad sin was and how connected Jesus was with the father and then how God turned his back on Jesus, at his lowest most painful time in his life, and how Jesus "knew" this and then said..."My God..."
It was all I was ever taught. I could not find in the Bible that exact interpretation of what was going on but I figured it must be right.
Until Calvin Crest 1983.
I heard a man talk about how the Jews had the Psalms memorized and how they would quote a small section, one sentence and then they would all chime in and repeat the Psalms together. He then said that when Jesus was saying, "My God..." he was simply quoting from the Psalms as a way of informing people there what was really happening. WHAT? What about God turning his back etc.
I then heard another person say the same thing here in Fresno.
Well, sure enough, I heard my pastor three years ago say that God was turning his back etc. I went into his study between services and told him what I really thought was going on. He told me that that is what all of his commentaries said and that I was wrong. For me, that was not good enough.
I went home and did some more research of my own. I called a group of Christian Jews in town and they told me the same thing the Calvin Crest speaker did. Jesus was simply repeating the first line of Psalm 22. He was making sure that the Jews knew exactly what was going on. Here are a few of the verses in Psalm 22:
Verse 1: My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?
Verse 14: I am poured out like water, And all my bones are out of joint; My heart is like wax; It is melted within me.
Verse 15: My strength is dried up like a potsherd, And my tongue cleaves to my jaws; And You lay me in the dust of death. Verse 16: For dogs have surrounded me; A band of evildoers has encompassed me; They pierced my hands and my feet.
Verse 17-18: I can count all my bones. They look, they stare at me; 18 They divide my garments among them, And for my clothing they cast lots.
There Jesus goes again, making sure everyone knows what is going on so that there will be no mistake about it. Could you imagine for a moment what it must have been like if in fact the Jews did start saying this psalm together. Did they stop for a moment when they said that His hands and feet were pierced! Did they also say, "Wait a minute, didn't those guys over there cast lots for his garments?"
Anyway, I really don't buy the idea that God had to turn his head and break fellowship with His son at his lowest point, highest need. It doesn't sound to loving to me. But I do like Calvin Crest, pinecones, clean air, good speakers and fresh ideas, like the one I heard back in 1983.
HE IS RISEN, HE IS RISEN INDEED!

An Easter Thought

Just a thought:
Why did the stone get rolled away from the tomb? To let Jesus out? The all powerful, resurrected body, exalted Jesus out? Maybe. But I am thinking the stone got rolled away to let us in.
In John 20:26 we read, "After eight days His disciples were again inside, and Thomas with them. Jesus came, the doors having been shut, and stood in their midst and said, "Peace be with you."
Wait a minute. The doors were shut and he stood in their midst? Did He go through the walls? I think so. This new resurrected body of Jesus apparently can go through walls. Could He also go through stone?
I think the stone rolled away was an invitation for all to believe without doubt. Could you imagine Jesus saying, "Hey the stone is still there but have faith that this is me." No, rather, "Hey go take a look for yourself.
Then in Verse 27 "Then He said to Thomas, "Reach here with your finger, and see My hands; and reach here your hand and put it into My side; and do not be unbelieving, but believing." 28 Thomas answered and said to Him, "My Lord and my God!"
Smart move Thomas!

Easter Tradition

Here is something the Freeman's have been doing around the Easter Dinner table for years.
The oldest person gets the honor of saying, "He is Risen." The rest of us at the table reply, "He is Risen Indeed."
Since Cindy's mom Shirley was the oldest, she got to say, "He is Risen."
I can remember some Easter dinners in Hanford where she lived, where she would be so happy that all of her kids and grandkids were with her that she would cry while saying, "He is Risen."
Well, Shirley is surely in heaven now and Cindy is one who says, "He is Risen." The tradition continues.
I would love to hear of other Easter traditions that you do.
"HE IS RISEN!" "HE HAS RISEN INDEED!"

He is not here

He lives, He lives,
Christ Jesus lives today!
He walks with me and He talks with me
Along life's narrow way.
He lives, He lives,
salvation to impart.
You ask me how I know He lives..
He lives within my heart.

Quotes for Today

"Don't waste your pain. Let it make you holy."
--Dan B. Allender (click here for link)

"Sometimes God uses suffering to reveal an old wound, to surface old agreements we've made. I'll never trust anyone again. That which was laid down in pain (in the past) can often be accessed by pain (in the present). In the rawness of the new wound, we access older unhealed wounds--so that we might renounce those old vows, turn from our self-protective ways, and invite the healing work of Christ into those places."
--John Eldredge (click here for link)

Suffering Servant (posted by Melody)

Last night I could not sleep because my thoughts were full of the disturbing realities of the Native Reservation that my friend Jackie teaches on. I was thinking that because of the catastrophic sins from one nation to another, and the consequences which have been passed down in each generation, there is a tragic, seemingly unending situation of abuse, hopelessness, and darkness. Then my soul became burdened with the feeling of sin, not the sin of one person to another, but of a people to a people. Who will pay for this? I thought to myself. God hates injustice and oppression... who will pay for a nation's sins committed a couple hundred years ago? Who will pay for the atrocities going on in the Sudan and so many other places? And then the reality once more hit me; I could see Jesus, the Suffering Servant, on the cross, experiencing the burden of not just individual sins, but the incomprehensible pain of one nation sinning against the other. If one person's sins can create a generational cycle of pain and despair, what was it like for Him to experience a whole culture's sin and consequences? I wanted to feel the pain of people's darkness, oppression, and unrighteousness, because it increasingly compels me to love and revere Him more, and believe in His love that can conquer the darkness on a Native Reservation.

Tatiana

Ralph, my son Nate, and Samo

me with Jackie--March 2005 (photo by Emily Musson)

Jesus Still Saves

Last night Jesus--knowing I needed some reassurance after my encounter with Virginia (click here for that story) --gave me the gift of spending some time with Jackie. Jackie is the mother of Samo, Joseph, and Tatiana. Samo and Joseph lived in my home for a while when Jackie was too far gone in her drug use to be able to take care of even herself, let alone her children. Late one night I went to their apartment after getting a frantic call from Jackie which I could not fully understand due to her slurring and screaming and all the noise in the background. When I got there the police had arrived and were about to take the kids. That's when I put them in my car and took them home, where they lived with us for a while. That was about six years ago.

For many years Samo, Joseph and Tatiana lived in chaos. But those days are over now, because Jackie has found her way to Jesus at last. She told me last night when I drove her home that it was when her children were taken from her that she finally gave in and asked Jesus to take over. As she was speaking I could see Virginia's face in front of me, and also Nancy's... another woman who lost her kids but is now clean and in relationship with Jesus. As Jackie told me about the hope she was given because Jesus never let go of her, I felt hope rise in me for Virginia and her children. God used Jackie to encourage me. He reminded me that He has it all under His loving eye, that there is redemption, and miracles happen, and that-- above all--He saves.

As we go into this season of celebrating Jesus' victory over death and sin and hopelessness, I ask you to remember Virginia, and Jackies' son Joseph who is still incarcerated and could not be with us last night, and the countless others who need the hope of our risen savior to pull them from the darkness that threatens to swallow them up. Our hope is in Him, and He still saves.

Virginia

A few months ago I told you about a father of five children who had hung himself in the bathroom of their apartment. It was Angela's father. His widow and the mother of those children--Virginia--showed up at Dakota House last night after the youth group was gone and I was there by myself cleaning up.

At first she was just sort of quiet, and simply hung out in the kitchen with me. I gave her spaghetti left over from the dinner we'd had, and she accepted it silently. It wasn't until we were in my car, sitting in front of her apartment that she told me she had gotten into trouble. With a big foil platter of pasta on her lap she cried painful tears and told me that her children have all been taken from her by C.P.S. She has been using, and was in the apartment of a drug dealer when the police showed up.

This story is not a new one to me. I have seen children taken and sometimes I never lay eyes on them again. But I have also known women who have lost their children and changed their lives because of it. Virginia is the second woman I have known to tell me that she asked God for help only to within hours have them taken.

I am not a big fan of Child Protective Services. It is a government agency that sometimes places children in abusive foster homes or agencies. Sometimes they take a child when they shouldn't and don't when they should. But I also know God is bigger than C.P.S. or anything else, and He can work through anything. I have seen Him do it.

Last night Virginia just left her apartment and started walking. She said she couldn't stand the pain of missing her husband and her babies anymore and was determined to get away from it. Then she saw me in the kitchen window and her feet led her to the door of Dakota House. And Jesus had me listen to her, comfort her, and pray for her. He has His eye on Virginia, and put an option in front of her other than taking a hit of something that would kill her pain. Temporarily. As the rain hit the roof of the car, and outside the usual ghetto commotion swirled about us, she looked at me with eyes full of pain and said, "Miss Jamie, just because I am a drug-user doesn't mean I don't love my kids. I want a good life for them."

And I know she does. I remember the look on her face when I gave her a tour of the new Dakota House. "It is so beautiful," she said. "I would give anything to have a home like this for my kids."

I told her the most important thing to give is her life to Jesus.

Please pray for Virginia. There is a battle raging for her life and the lives of her children. We lost the battle for their husband and father. When he killed himself Virginia had been clean for a while and was asking the same of him. The enemy increased his forces. We must do the same by the power of Jesus. For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities, and cosmic powers of this dark age. Please join me in this battle we can only win on our knees.

Virginia's daughter Angela

Angela

Three community ingredients

Cindy and I are reading the book, "Waking the Dead." It is a good book that we have enjoyed reading together on Sundays for the past few months. In the book, the author talks a lot about the importance of living the Christian life in community. We need each other!
In the process of reading this book, I have been thinking about my personal life and my involvement in the Christian community here in Fresno. I have come up with three ingredients that I think are important for a community of believers to thrive. The book mentions some of these and has a lot more good things to say about community.

#1. Each member must spend some time alone with God.
#2. Each member needs to help and serve others in the community. (we must let our needs be known)
#3. There must be a mutual cause greater then the community. (Go into all the world...) (advance the Kingdom of God)

For me the key is in the balance of the three.
A balance that I will pay more attention to.

a slight case of writer's blog

If you like poetry and song lyrics and other written stuff that makes you ponder check out the new link on the sidebar (under 'links i like') entitled MyWriteSide. If you don't, don't.

Shine Jason Shine (click here for a little cheese)

God brings me many joys in this life and yesterday He dropped a big one in my lap. I was privileged to spend the day with Jason Wilkinson, who took his day off from being youth pastor at First Church of God to buff the Dakota House floor. Now I don't know if you have ever used one of those big buffer things, but let me just tell you, there's a whole comedy routine just waiting there in that big hunk of metal. The picture of Jason catches just a glimpse of the sight I saw when Jason turned it on and subsequently flew across the floor. I actually have a digital video of it, but mostly it is just comprised of me laughing hysterically and Jason trying to regain his composure.

Thank you Jason for the joy of you. You were there for the very first days of the former Dakota House and here you are again at the new one. You gotta love a guy like that.

So now the floor is all smooth and shiny, just waiting for a sock sliding contest. Any takers...?

Flashdance Buffer

He's A Zombie By Now For Sure

Yesterday while sorting through books at the Dakota House library a little boy named R.J. was 'helping' me. He sat on the floor with one of those encyclopedia world books. It covered his whole lap and he had his head bent over it looking at the pictures.

Suddenly his head popped up and he said,"Oh that scared me by death!" (I think he meant TO death) "He just barely died yesterday!"

I looked at the picture. It was Albert Einstein.

"Really?" I asked. "How do you know that?"

"I saw it on the TV. He's a zombie by now for sure."

Naturally I asked for clarification.

"When you die you stay dead and then the spiders start biting you. Then you turn into a zombie and you gots to go around scaring people all the time."

"You know, R.J., there's really no such thing as zombies. That's make-believe."

"No Miss Jamie, it's true. My mom told me. Even I know because my dad is a zombie now. Or else he might be in jail. I can't know very much."

I can't know very much, either, but I know this: we've got a lot of work to do.

Servant of the Week Award goes to.....

Carlton Taylor, who to date (in the past five years) has moved 473 tons of furniture, appliances, and metal desks from one location to another.

Big heart. Big muscles. Big brother.

We love you, Carlton.

Carlton

my wonderful friends

i didn't want to go to our weekly tuesday night gathering. i will admit, i was scared and a little hurt that it wasn't going to be just a prayer time. i felt vulnerable and anxious about the coming week. i had a rough day with roofers overheard. my whole day was rearranged and not by my wishes. so, when it came time to go, i hesitated, did i really want to go. no, i can honestly say, i was cold and tired and just a tad cranky, but i felt drawn, and so i went. and then i kept wanting to leave, but felt as if i were tethered to the place. it didn't feel safe, it was loud, and fast paced, and new faces and i was cold and tired. looking back, i can say that i am grateful that i stayed. i learned a lot about myself, and my friends. i learned a lot about what is important to me, and what i do that is important to others. i found myself with a newfound respect for the people who have come into my life and become my friends. i found a niche and felt comfortable and safe, and cared for. it's nice to have friends, good true loyal friends, with no agenda but to hang with you. nothing is expected of me, nothing is asked of me, people smile and make me feel warm inside, even though i am cold and tired. i learn so much about life and love from these wonderful people i call friends.

Overwhelmed Again

Last night I was overwhelmed in a different way than I have been in the past few days. Several members of the prayer team showed up and lent their hands and their hearts to the Dakota House move. As I watched my beloved neighborhood kids wrestle, laugh, play, and hop in and out of cars with people I love, I felt once again that connection with the body of Christ that is a feeling like no other. Thank you to all of you who were present, and those who weren't but who pray and care.

You will not be able to imagine what it means to those kids to meet people like you. You may not be able to realize what it means to me to love and know you.

The Bald and the Beautiful

jordn was furst

jordn was furst
mi funne frend
alwais laffen
alwais nis tu paige
alwais sinken tu mak bad guis go awai
he was mi goodst frend
susn was secunt
mi bestst frend
she madd me feel betr alwais
took paige tu the moves
eted wif paige
colrd wif paige
then
susn marred jordn
and that was a grat dai
but then thei movd awai from paige
and paige was vere sad
no bode tu sink animor
or tu et wif
that was a sad dai
and a sad monf
and a sad yeer
but onn dai
paige heerd somthink that sowded lik jordn camm bak
sommon was sinken agin
but it wasnd jordn
but it sowded lik jordn
and so paige lookd
and it was a nu gui
so nexd it was core
and he was alwai smilen and nis tu paige
and he cood sink lik jordn and plai the getar tu
and he cood mak paige laff tu
and besids he haded linsee tu
and she was nis lik susn
and she likd tone and she was alwais smilen tu
and now paige misses susn and misses jordn
but
now paige can mak a nu frends and thei cood be lik
paiges olt frends and thei can mak the bad guis go awai tu
and thei can be frends tu
and thei can evn mis jordn and susn tugefer
and the nu frends can tel the olt frends hi from paige
and maibe the nu frends wil be good at lazr tag tu
and maibe thei wil lik me an ets piza and maibe thei wil go tu the moves wif paige
maibe thei will and maibe thei wond
but i stil lov jordn and susn

You're At Least Decent To Your Own Children

We read this today from The Message: "Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?"

I met Vanessa yesterday

I met Vanessa yesterday. She was hanging out by the tennis courts during my after school junior high tennis practice at the appartments near the school. She said she was 17. After practice she asked me if she could hit some of the tennis balls. I told her that she could. She stood on one side of the net and me on the other. I tossed one and she hit it. I tossed another and she hit that one too. The third one didn't go so well and she quickly put the racket down and glanced quickly to see who was watching. She wanted to know where the girls were that were going to make fun of her. I told her that none were around. I tossed another one and she hit it again. I told her that I wanted to throw a few to her backhand side but first I needed to show her the proper grip. I walked over to her and was about to move her hand to the right position and she quickly moved her hand out of the way. I told her that it was ok and I again went to adjust her hand on the racket. She let me, and soon she was hitting backhand after backhand over the net.
She asked me what I did and I told her about being the Dean and mentioned that I had spoken in chapel that morning. She asked, "Are you a deceiver?" She added, "Deceivers speak in chapels." "We had a little talk about that.
I met Vanessa yesterday and we hit some tennis balls, I found out a few things about her life and I sent her home with a gift of three new tennis balls. She wanted to know what she needed to do to get the tennis balls. I told her it was a free gift.
I met Vanessa yesterday and I hope one day soon she mets Jesus.

here it comes ready or not!

in just a few days, one of the hardest weeks of the year will begin for me. i am anxious about it! i feel ill-prepared this year. i feel alone as well, which is odd, considering that i have more people that i am close to and can trust. yet, i feel as if i am david walking up to fight goliath. all alone, with others watching from afar to see if i will make it. this year i have made it further into the season before freaking out, i really only got bothered a full week and a half before black mass began, as opposed to the usual month that i am freaked out. so i count my blessings for this. perhaps next year will be even more progress? and soon, i will be able to celebrate the risen lord like normal christians. that is a day i look forward to!!! but for today, i will be grateful for the time i got to spend this month, not worrying about stuff, and will look into keeping myself safe for the remainder of the time until the season passes. i feel strangely disconnected from my body and mind today, as if i am watching myself move about. this worries me a little. i blog therefore i know i exsist... have you ever wondered if you exsisted? have you wondered if people could see or hear you? i have. am i real, am i a piece, am i all that there is? who can say? sorry this is so depressing, just venting today.....

A Moving Experience

Today we are moving. Yesterday we were moving. Oh yes... we were moving on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, too. I'll probably be moving all this week and weekend.

God made the entire world faster than we will move this community center.

Five years makes for a lot of stuff. And cockroaches.

P.S. Yesterday I lost my keys and my cell phone died temporarily. My computer is still freaking out, I am on call for jury duty today, my house is totally thrashed, and my kids have only caught glimpses of me in a week.

I have to go the the DMV tomorrow.

This is a venting post.

Pray for the lost, the hungry, and the overwhelmed.

A Prayer From Tozer

"O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, "Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away." Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus' name, Amen."

-A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

Julio, Anthony and Anthony

Sweet Ride

See those three boys? Julio, Anthony and Anthony. They are twirling on the threshhold between two lives. The one they live in their homes and the one they live at Dakota House. They go back and forth between the two, adjusting their behavior to suit what is expected of them.

Yesterday they spent most of the day helping us move. Scrubbing out the oven (one of the Anthonys is still working off his theft debt to us so he got stuck with that job), packing boxes, carrying stuff down the street to our new location... that sort of thing. But they had to leave by a certain time to get to a party with their family and neighbors. I saw glimpses of that party as I walked back and forth on our street. It was your usual hood soiree, with all the amenities. And there were my boys, their demeanor changed, scowls on their faces, gangster attire donned, taking it all in and living it. My heart broke.

But just a few hours earlier, Anthony had been a little boy. I was walking back to the new place and he came up behind me on his bike. "Miss Jamie--wanna ride?" And he pointed to--yes, that's right--his pegs. Lucky. You know I hopped on. And Anthony and I laughed and bumped and flew down the street, his laughter and mine being the sweetest sound I heard all day. For those few minutes I saw the innocent boy he still is, and I thanked Jesus for giving me that moment. Jesus must love me a lot to allow me such a privilege.

Our New Dakota House Home

Today we begin work on our new location. Thank you Jesus (and Brad) and everyone who prayed for this. Jesus opened up this place for us exactly where it needs to be and precisely when it needed to happen. Yesterday when I put the key in the lock for the first time I was overwhelmed with the feeling of being taken care of and provided for. God will do so many things there, and we can't even attempt to predict them, but one thing I know for certain is that Jesus is in the house.

P.S. Don't forget to pray for Mel today as she spends time seeking God and listening for His word to her ear.

Here is the new Dakota House awaiting transformation and redemption

wen i was onn
i was relee six
wen i was tu
i was relee six
wen i was thre
i was relee six
wen i was for
i was relee six
wen i was fiv
i was relee six
but now i m six
and i wil be six
forevr and evr

Our Hearts

Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?"
I have heard this scripture quoted when the topic of listening to Jesus in your heart comes up. I am told that I should not trust what I hear in my heart because... and then I hear this verse. I know I am told this ususally in love because they do not want to see me go astray.
ON THE OTHER HAND, IT IS WRITTEN:
2 Cor. 5:17: "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature, the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." They, "HAVE" come. I take comfort in knowing that they have come. That sounds like "now" to me.

Ezekiel 11:19: "And I will give them one heart, and put a new spirit within them. And I will take the heart of stone out of their flesh and give them a heart of flesh."

Paul writes in Eph. 1:18 "I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints."

I perk up when I hear people say, " I feel in my heart that...." "My heart is telling me." I think at times it is Jesus speaking to them and eventually to me. I would be smart to listen and test it with the Holy Spirit and my brothers and sisters in Jesus.

One of my goals is to listen to my heart today, the new heart that Jesus has given me.
May the eyes of our hearts be enlightened today.

On the other hand...

My attention has been drawn towards Matthew 4:1-11. This is the section where Jesus is being tempted by the devil at the end of his 40 days. I use to think that Jesus was fasting for 39 days and then on the 40th day the devil showed up. But in Mark 1:13 it says, "He was in the wilderness 40 days, being tempted by the satan..." Interesting. Could it be that Jesus was being tempted for the full 40 days? It says the same thing in Luke 4:2, "for 40 days to be tempted by the devil. If that is the case, and I now think that it is, then what we read about in Matthew 4:1-11 is satan doing everything he can to get to Jesus. For satan, it is the last few seconds of the game, fourth quarter, last period, little time left, pulling out all the stops, going to give Jesus his last and final effort to follow him. It is interesting to me to read what his best effort consists of.
1. He tempted Jesus with good things. Food, authority, protection from God. Satan just wanted Jesus to get those things apart from God. It would be to obvious to lure us away with "bad" things, "sinful" things. No, his best shot is to lure us away with GOOD THINGS!
2. "If you are the Son of God." Satan still comes at us with that one...if you are a good Christian... and then makes up something that is so difficult, oppressive etc. that no one could do it and then condemns us for not being a "good" Christian.
"If" breeds doubt.
I like what Jesus did...
1. Jesus used scripture but in one case he used scripture in a way that is very appealing to me. Here is the section that jumped up at me in verse 7: "Jesus said to him, ON THE OTHER HAND, IT IS WRITTEN." I love that. Does satan try that today? Take one or two verses and want us to focus on that and ignore the rest. Ever been in a conversation with someone and they say, "That was nice, but the Bible ALSO says..." I need that. Blog away. What else does the Bible say?
Anyway, if satan can't lure us away with things we need, he will use scripture against us and a combination of both. It is his hail Mary, last second shot, 55 yard field goal with time expired, it's all he has...deception and lies.
2 Corinthians 2:10-11
10 But one whom you forgive anything, I forgive also; for indeed what I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ, 11 so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes.
Peace.

This Week's Book Recommendation (not that I'm organized enough to do this regularly... but still)

When I was living in the country, safe and happy, and driving into Fresno to minister to kids living in the ghetto, God played a little trick on me. He caused me to read this book, Journey To The Center of the City, written by our very own Randy White of Pink House fame. Then God kept me up all night every night until I agreed to move my family into the ghetto. That's so like Him.

I recommend this book for anyone who isn't too nailed down with where they are living now.

P.S. Any other book recommendations on this site would be appreciated. What are you reading?

Laundry Day

By request, here is the verse that Brad sent me yesterday:

Blessed are those who wash their robes that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. Rev 22:14

My robe was a gift to me. It was white and fluffy when I received it--so clean... not a spot on it. I took a hard look at it today and noticed it's gotten a little soiled. I've been working on getting it clean all day. There are lots of little stains on it that you can hardly see unless you really put it under the light to look at it.


I'm thinking I might start paying a little more attention to my robe. After all, it was a beautiful gift given in love.

FREE Tip For The Day

Do not try the new Chantico offered at Starbucks. Instead, put a chocolate bar of your choice into a paper cup and stick it in the microwave for one minute. Trust me on this one. Save yourself three bucks.

P.S. The cup it comes in does, however, make a nice change container.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAIGE
and thank you for sharing it with us.
You are a gift.

Tonight was Aimee's birthday dinner. She was full of joy and so beautiful. HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIMEE!

My Wife, I think she's HOT (click here)

Turn up the volume, her enthusiasm is contagious

Computer Quarantine

My computer is sick. It is delirious with fever, spouting out things it would never say or do in it's normally healthy state. Whatever it has, you don't want. I won't be sending out any emails for fear of making my friends' computers sick, too. I probably won't be doing any blogging either because it is so frustating and it makes me say bad words.
Brad says the reason there are computer viruses is because there is satan.
I believe him.

i realized something this week, something that i think i should have known, but didn't and something that kind of surprised me. it seems stupid to say but to me this is a huge "lightbulb" moment. ok, most people know that i cannot keep a secret not ever, i am so pathetic that i actually take my kids with me to buy their christmas presents and then if they happened to not be there i show them to them. my poor children always know what they are getting for every gift giving event! how sad, right?! i hate that i am like that, it drives dave bonkers, but no matter what i always tell. when i got george his shirt, i wanted so much to tell, but i didn't, and it was nice that he was surprised. well, this weekend two very huge things came up that need absolute secrecy, and i mean huge, my best friend shannon, threatened my life with telling them, she said it wasn't even worth doing if i told. so here i was stuck with two great pieces of information, that i want to share with my family, and yet i know that if they are surprised it will be so much sweeter, so i told myself over and over again, you can't tell, and that soon turned into why do you always tell. and around 3am on sunday morning, i realized why i can't keep a secret. all my life, people did horrid things to me, and always said, don't tell, bad things will happen if you tell, and to me, i always thought it weird that bad things were always happening even without telling, so how could telling be worse?! when i became aware of all of the things i had not known about my life, and realized how many secrets were locked away in my mind, i decided that i didn't want to have secrets anymore, and even good things that are meant to be surprises and fun, tortured me if i didn't tell. this was huge to me, and i have decided that i will not divulge these secrets or die trying not to, and see what the result will be, how will the "surprisees" respond with an actual surprise from me? how will i do with knowing something great without being able to let them in on it? one surprise is this month, the other not until the end of june, will i make it? i don't know, but you can be praying that i do. my family will be amazed if i can pull this off. some secrets i think are worth keeping!

They Are Everywhere

Cindy invited the girls group from World Impact to come over and have a girls night. There must be 20 strangers here tonight. Some are down in the basement watching a movie. Some are in the computer room playing Nintendo and laughing. They brought over a ton of food, games and movies. They are everywhere!
We had Thanksgiving here a few months ago. There were no stangers. We ate a lot of food, we played games, we watched TV. We're family. It was fun.
How is it that though that tonight seems more family like then Thanksgiving with my family? Who is my family... really? As true as true can be, who is my family? As far as I am concerned, tonight is family night... Thanksgiving is game night. Don't get me wrong, I love my "relatives." I wouldn't trade them for any others but something is really different tonight. Those "strangers" out there ARE my sisters and I am glad that our Father in heaven gave me a house big enough to have them over for family night at the Freeman's. They think it is girls night out but I think it is family night in.
Matthew 12:46-50
46 While He was still speaking to the crowds, behold, His mother and brothers were standing outside, seeking to speak to Him. 47 Someone said to Him, "Behold, Your mother and Your brothers are standing outside seeking to speak to You." 48 But Jesus answered the one who was telling Him and said, "Who is My mother and who are My brothers?" 49 And stretching out His hand toward His disciples, He said, "Behold My mother and My brothers! 50 "For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother and sister and mother."
I am looking forward to family night at the Barker's.

Dad for a day

Friday was DAD day at Fresno Christian School in the Kindergarden class. The two teachers asked me if I would be dad for the day for the kids that either don't have a dad or their dad could not make it because of work. After getting permission from the principal, I was there. In the morning kindergarden class I was dad to a 6 year old named Stacy. Her dad had to go to work that day. We had a blast. At first she sat next to me on the carpet while the teacher went through their daily routine. We went to the snack table and made a snack together, then she wanted to read a book to me. She asked me to read her a book and of course it didn't matter what book she picked out, the main character gets saved, filled with the holy spirit, speaks in tongues and goes into the ministry. That is the way I have been reading books to my boys for years. It was such a bummer when they could read and then they would say, "That's not what is says daddy." That was a sad day.
Anyway, by the end of the day, Stacy wanted me to pick her up and carry her like the other dads where doing with their daughters. She even made me pinkie swear to carry her to the door before she got to go home.
In the afternoon I was dad to Steve. Steve has never seen his dad. He too is 6. It was the same with him. Sitting next to me during carpet time and then by the end of the day, he was sitting on my lap. He even reached down, grabbed my wrist and put my arms around him while he sat on my lap. I had never spent any time with Steve but a parent their said that she had never seen him so happy. We had fun.
It doesn't really take much does it? So little can mean so much.
I liked being dad for a day but I like being dad all the time better.
George

This Week's Bad Parenting Award Goes To...

... a woman I saw at Target today. She said this to her four year old son who was wandering away from her:
"Hey, stupid! Get over here! Someone might take you and then you won't have any of your toys!"
Jesus, help.

More Praying

Me again. Everything is moving along pretty well up here for Summer Staff Selection. One thing we need: guys. We need some quality guys for leadership up here - and there always seems to be a shortage. You can be praying for that, for sure.

Pedro offers you his protection.

My Plug for SCREEN-IT.COM

When I was about 15 years old I went to the movies on a Sunday afternoon with my best friend Robin. There we sat, feet up on the chairs in front of us, shoveling popcorn in our mouths, whispering to each other and laughing as girlfriends do, when suddenly upon the screen came images of a woman being raped. It was violent, and graphic, and I was frozen to my seat, my brain assaulted by the vision of several men taking their turn with a helpless, crying, naked woman. I was pretty naïve in those days, and could never have imagined such a thing. I left that theater changed.

A couple of years later, my friend Gary took me to see The Exorcist. I know a little more these days about spiritual matters then I did back then. I was a young Catholic girl, no relationship with Jesus, no knowledge of the fact that there really is a devil but we are victorious by way of the cross. I knew NOTHING. I became so utterly freaked out watching that movie, I spent the majority of it hiding under Gary’s coat, shivering and crying at even the sounds I was hearing. For weeks I could not get the images out of my head. I couldn’t sleep, and I was walking in fear.

I know that rape and demonic influences are real. There are a lot of things in this world that are real and ugly, but I may not want the visual images of them lingering in my brain, popping up to have their effect on me at will. I also do not want to be on a movie date with my husband, and be forced to sit through giant screen images of naked women parading across the screen. Not really my idea of a good time. And how about my kids going to the movies? I can’t go see everything that comes out in order to screen it for them.

But I do like to go to the movies. And some movies are good and not wrought with troublesome images. So what’s a girl to do?

Enter SCREEN-IT.COM This is my plug for a FREE online service that gives you the option of deciding before you go to the movie if this is something you want to subject yourself to. This site doesn’t just decide for you what is okay and what isn’t. It actually describes the movie to you, categorizing the potentially offensive scenes and language, and lets you decide, which I like because what is objectionable to me may not be to you, and vice versa. I can figure it out for myself instead of relying on someone else’s opinion.

Here is an example of a review for The Village in the ‘Frightening Scenes’ category:

· We hear that there are creatures in the woods that the villagers refer to as "those of who we don't speak."

· We see a teen standing on a stump at the edge of the woods to which his back is turned (at night). It's a test of his bravery (other boys watch him), but when eerie sounds come from the woods, all of them run back into the village.

· We hear more creepy sounds coming from the woods.

· Lucius cautiously enters the woods in the daylight, but then retreats back to the clearing when he hears sounds (including beastly ones) and sees a fleeting image of something moving in the woods.

Other categories include: Profanity, Drug/Alcohol Abuse, Sex/Nudity, and Imitative Behavior.

The last time my daughter Emily went to the movies with her friends she checked out SCREEN-IT on her own before giving the okay to her friends. I like that.

So there’s my plug. Have a great weekend…maybe take in a movie. But don’t take in more than you bargained for.

J.

P.S. To access this site FREE go to the 'No Thanks' button. You are declining membership which gives you more features...you can see the movie reviews without being a member.

Paige's Birthday is on 3/11

Paige is having her 6th birthday on March 11th. Maybe on the next Tuesday prayer time we can have a party of some kind for her. Any ideas?
George

You Mission, Should You Choose To Accept

Hi crew. Today we start Staff Selection up at Calvin Crest. If you're thinking about it, please pray for what we're doing. It's a good, tough, fun, challenging, painful time for about 10 people who get together and try to figure out where God wants them to put 80 people this summer. Ideally, we'll be finished by Friday afternoon and make calls to the applicants on Saturday.
Pray for wisdom, discernment, friendliness, honesty, clarity, and whatever else comes to mind.

And then go here.

Bradley K. Barker

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY BARKER

Ah! any gift that I could bring
would be a meagre, paltry thing,
before the gift of God, which He
created on this day for me.

--Steinbeck

It’'s all about timing, Mr. Piña.

Julio at Outpost

Trust and a Big Screen TV

We had prayer at Dakota House last night. It wasn’t a big turnout, but the prayers were real and Jesus was present. Someday, I’m sure, my board members will show up. I just know it. Really.

All grouped up on one side of the room were Jonathan, Miguel, Dakota (yes her name is the same as the street she lives on), Julio, Jeremy, and Anthony. Basically these are the kids who recently broke into Dakota House and then broke our hearts, in that order. (see Ravenous Needs post)

There was a lot of squirming and giggling going on during prayer, which is okay by me but admittedly a bit distracting. I asked the kids to speak out about one thing they would ask for in regards to Dakota House. These are older kids, not as likely as the young ones to blurt out prayers like: "My uncle is in jail" or "My brother got beat up by a gang." The older kids have learned how to construct those walls, each new shame and sorrow adding to the barrier, layer by layer, brick by brick. They tend to say "I'm cool" or "I got no problems--it's all good."
Sure it is.
But they were somewhat willing to ask for something for Dakota House. The first response we got was "a big screen TV."
Okay. Anything else?
We got a couple of requests for good snacks, and plenty of food, and arts and crafts supplies, but then Julio blurted out, "For Jamie to trust us."
Ahhh. There it is. Something from the heart. You know I eat that up.
Julio's father is in jail and his mother doesn't want him. She sent him off to live with his aunt, who is just barely tolerating him. When we took Julio to Outpost at Calvin Crest two years ago, he said it was the best thing that ever happened to him. In his life. And this is after the humiliation of having lice found on his head.
Julio wants to be loved. He wants to be found trustworthy. Though he lives in a ghetto apartment where the only thing that is consistent is the deviance from all that is good and holy, he wants more. He has been told over and over that he is nothing. But he has also been told that God has great plans for him. And that he is loved.
Thank you Jesus for the hope that is growing in Julio's heart. May he grow to know and follow you all the days of his life.